Saturday, February 02, 2019

Billionaire Howard Schultz of Starbucks Creates National Unity With Announcement of Presidential Ambitions

With one brilliant stroke, the billionaire Howard Schultz has healed a fractured nation, creating common ground on which citizens of diverse and sharply conflicting views can unite.

Schultz announced his intention to run for president if the Democrats were so foolish as to nominate someone as that party's candidate that Schultz considers too far "left." Like maybe someone who wants, at long last, universal health care coverage under a single payer system. Schultz says "we can't afford it" But he does say "everyone has to right to access" health care, whatever that's supposed to mean, since "we can't afford it."  ("60 Minutes" interview, CBS.)

The American People answered as one: We don't want you for president.

A cascade of raspberries rained down on Schultz immediately upon his declaration of his willingness to "serve." No thank you, Everyone replied.

So let us take a moment to thank Howard Schultz, The Billionaire Unifier of a Divided Nation, for his "service."



"I can be your president. By the way, we can't afford health care for everyone." 

One Howard Schultz = 3,400 millionaires.


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